Before you have children, you will know exactly how to will educate you. Yes, who of us has not looked at other parents and thinking, “My child is allowed to somewhat never” or “once I’m a mother, I’ll do that differently”?
We all thought that we can make it around corners better – until we were actually parents. All of a sudden it is okay if the child in the supermarket throwing a tantrum, or late at night in front of the TV sits. It is also not in order, if you are a mother or father handle all of this in front of the children escape.
And while at home the hell is going on, you will get with the methods of education are overwhelmed: “children may not be yelled at”, “When children are punished, they are to Tierquälern”, “When your child is angry, you may not this thought, not faith, you make yourself angry,” “you allowed your children does not force you to apologize”, etc.
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But not every method is for every child to apply. Or?
To be honest, I never really thought about how I raise my daughter. I just listened to my gut and to their signals to stop responding. What I didn’t know, is that this method even has a name “Attachment Parenting”.
The mother took her young in protection
As I said, I wasn’t thinking about education. I read a lot about it, but if I’m completely honest, still, no clear opinion on many of these methods, but had more of a “between of opinion”. Until the following happened in front of my eyes:
We are in a Indoor Playground in Texas and I’m meeting with some other moms at a Playdate. My daughter takes a toy and sits in a corner. Does that sometimes – only once to play alone. The other children were all about four years old. It is only the boys were.
One of the mothers was already in the ninth month pregnant, but had a 5-year-old son, was playing with the other boys. We mothers sat in a circle and talked, as the son of the pregnant lady gave her a solid Kick in the back and ran away.
It was red and said intimidated: “He’s just playing.” Another mother in the round, to asked with concern: “But it doesn’t hurt? Why is he allowed to do that?”
The pregnant mother repeated: “He’s just playing.” We looked back in our conversation. Again he came running and wanted to join a other mother in the back, as these turned at the right Moment, and his foot caught: “You, you don’t! It is not stand other people, even if you turn your back,” she said. He asked: “Why, this is fun.”
The Boy hit her in the back and ran, laughing
“No, that’s not fun, it hurts. Would you want me to kick you in the back?”, she replied. We all saw amazed even the boy’s mother. This with a shrug and ran away again.
She looked up at his mother and said: “Sorry, but we don’t “play”. If you like it, it’s your thing, but for me, this is a No-Go.” As soon as she had finished this sentence, he gave her a Kick and ran away laughing.
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Today these two mothers do not talk to each other. For me, the Whole thing is now more complex than it already is. I would be his mother, how I would have reacted? If my daughter’s skin, I always say, “no. The man does not. Not okay, Laila. Knock off is phooey.” But it is only one and a half years old, and I don’t know if you understand me, if I shake labernd the head.
I would not let me from a child, if the mother sits there and says nothing? He had to apologize for, he played more and his mother had to still be a couple of Times in the round of him kicked in.
It was red, but said nothing else, explained to us that he plays. Of course, we don’t know what is going on at home, but that’s exactly why I talked with her and other mothers when it comes to the following:
Raven kids, and asshole parents
We ichlichen our children, if we educate them with a velvet glove, it is for their actions, no consequences, everything is allowed, and in this age, learn that they do not have to apologize or we make it so that, a fortiori, to the Raven’s children – what circles us then in other Parents to asshole parents mutate?!
I have already spoken to many mothers about this issue. Here are three excerpts of what has been entrusted to me.
“My daughter is five years old and must not use unattended the knife. You want to lubricate but not necessarily a loaf of bread, so I have asked them to wait until I have wrapped your brother. You threw the knife and my face caught. It was thankfully not spicy, and I don’t have done me serious hurt, but of course I told her that I’m mad at you, and it took three days until I have spoken with her. Her father has explained to her what she did wrong, because I didn’t want to talk to her. You made me so angry that I didn’t want to see. To me no one can persuade that you come here with a pet and explain much more. It’s a consequence had to be and was not, that I speak with her. You had to feel this way, that she has done something wrong and think about it. I was and will never be violent to my children, but once they are in Kindergarten, we lose a part of control, because they learn swear words and other, therefore, we need to go as well as it, the part can give you very good concerns, because he is the Basis for later.”
“I have two sons. The one ten, the other fifteen years old. The Younger one is quiet, shy and well-behaved, I’d say. The Older I’ve done some things wrong, because he was everything, there were no consequences, not even conversations, which would explain to him what was now his behavior is wrong. He bullies other children in school, even his brother at home he bullies. He back talks, disrespectful and has no any kind of warning. I love him, but he makes me very cross. In the case of his brother I have the same education method applied is quite different. What have I done wrong?”
“I have twin daughters. With us there is no such thing as punishment. There used to be, until I realized one day that I ask my daughters screaming about screaming, please stop. What an irony! I have just changed in that Moment, my tactics, and more spoken to them, but most of all, I hear them. Sometimes what you say, no sense for us – for you. We need to put ourselves in you, and to let them feel that they are given to adults, whose feelings and thoughts are important – they are. It took time, but I am glad that I changed my way.”
I’ve met so many mothers and they talk so openly with me about the mother that I am, in fact, honor what you entrust everything to me, but it makes me each Time more confused than the Time before. I have a conversation with, so I think that all of your conclusions sound logical.
The many methods of education overwhelm us?
I speak with the next mom, this is the better of the arguments to a completely different method. Slowly but surely, I asked myself, “Can we Prove it with to many views, scientifically and Debunked’t handle right? We are too stupid? Flooding us the choice, so that we drown in it?”
An Italian friend is very pleased that Italy is now the mandatory vaccination, you would have “taken the Stress of the decision,” she said. In Austria and Germany will always be a fight about it. Who’s right, when it comes to these stitches, the taunts? Exactly when it comes to these issues, I think that we should leave the Internet.
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Because the Internet is infinite, and it gives you the answers you’re hoping for, not the one that is correct – and thus I am back at the beginning: Is it “the” right method of education? And we should educate our children at all “”?
We know that children imitate their parents and their environment, so we should educate and perhaps more of ourselves, don’t we?
I read somewhere the other day, “You’re not supposed to be in front of his children angry,” but why not? Anger is an Emotion, such as grief, joy, and many others. May I embody, my child, only everything Positive, in a world that consists not only of a Positive? Questions, questions, and with each Interview, you will be more. But I had an experience that showed me the way:
I make sure my child is often a breath of fresh air. You must be playing, Vitamin D tank, active, and hell even have fun: Spot the error. Since when do you have fun? Fun is one of the few things where you don’t have to. And since it has made the click: you must have in your age nothing. You can, if you want to. You may, if you would like to.
I say no to my daughter
We do not make ourselves at home beautiful, it will be loud grumbled, but slowly explains. When I shake my head “no,” say, don’t know that what she is doing, is in order and then most of the time. At a Playdate, she pushed a Boy on several occasions and she has not hit her back, but just walked away from him.
When he tried to do it again, and came in between his mother in time, said to him in front of Laila that this was in order. Alone, he handed her the Hand, then she hugged him.
I don’t know, what has this nut as a method, but it works. We need to force our children to apologize, to share toys, or to be nice, but you exemplify and explain why sharing is nice, and knock off hurts.
Of course I have to talk now, easily, my Little one is not even two years old and maybe I’m laughing in two years on this entry, but for now it fits. That’s another thing: Are education methods timeless? I don’t think they evolve, like everything else, more, depending on the child and Situation, or?
First words, first sleep Through the night – and the first daycare: All of the is issue in our parents group on Facebook. Register here.
When we embrace our children, not coddle you. Similarly, we are asshole parents, if you bear for your deeds in the small age of responsibility, by explaining why it is wrong to beat someone, or laugh at, or, or….and also in the Dwarf-age, you understand very well what we say and do.
My daughter sees me cry, laugh, dance, sing, be angry, but she’s not my target. You must know that there are a lot of emotions, my personality is naked and I wouldn’t have it otherwise.
I am interested in your opinion on this topic is very… the swarm intelligence is used here 😀
What do you think?
Of Menerva Hammad
Mernerva Hammad is a freelance journalist, Vienna mom with migration blabla and since a year of the Blog “Hotel Mama”. Their main topics are the life stories of women from all over the world, motherhood and feminism, Multicultural Lifestyle and travel with a child.
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